The Life You Crave
By Miah on Mar 2, 2010 in Rant, Travel
Immersion travel is different. You get to be someplace for long enough that you quit seeing it through tourists eyes and start seeing and knowing the hearts and minds of the friends you’ve made. The markets, palaces, ancient walls, crazy traffic, all the crazy sights, sounds and smells quit registering as vividly and become the backdrop of your life in the moment.
There comes a time when you realize you aren’t here visiting, you live here. This is where your life is taking place in the now. The awkwardness of language and cultural differences remain, and you miss the simplicity and comforts of home, but this is your home for now. This distinction is profound. Instead of walking through a place soaking it all in, you are in a place as part of it.
I don’t travel to escape anything, I travel because I love it. I love to see new things, meet new people, and have amazing experiences. The start of a trip always feels like an escape though. It feels like vacation. After a few weeks, that wears off and the normal you is still in that place. The normal you stripped bare of your normal outlets for your natural tendencies.
If your life habit is to work 50 hours, eat junk food, and watch tv all night, you will come to a point in the trip where those desires will overwhelm all the “new” and excitement of a place. You will want your normal life back. You will CRAVE that routine and you will want to go home. This is a feeling you have to lean into and push through, and it’s not easy.
It’s ok to be homesick, but it’s far better to be honest about why you are. What is this life you miss so much and why is it so damn important for you to get back to American Idol and a job you hate? Is it your path to drift through life from one pointless stimuli to the next? Is this your purpose. Is this all you are?
These questions cut deep and the truth often hurts. But it’s ok, you can always pour one more whisky, load one more porn site, eat another bowl of ice cream in front of the tv, or take another trip to the mall.
Is this all you are? And of course, when I say you, I mean me. And you.
No, it isn’t all we are. It is, for better or worse, part of who we are.
Years ago, I got an awesome piece of unsolicited advice from a senior manager with my company: “we must always try to remember- this is what we do, not who we are.” My first thought was “oh, thank fucking God, because this is mind numbing and soul eating.
Upon further reflection, I realized that his advice was a little more profound than he maybe even realized.
My soul eating job, my SATC reruns, household chores, pointless errands- I need those things to contrast with the better experiences, with the things that are more meaningful. The rat race, exhausting and unfulfillable as it is, serves the crucial purpose of building my hunger for the moments I’ll remember on my deathbed. Without the contrast, I become lazy and complacent and I’m not seeing with my heart.
Besides, what the hell is wrong with whiskey, porn, and ice cream? Sounds like a great weekday night to me. You can keep the mall, however.
verybadcat | Mar 3, 2010 | Reply
uh, my job is unfulfillable, but I meant not fulfilling. *goes to refill coffee*
verybadcat | Mar 3, 2010 | Reply
You my friend have it right. You recognize the difference and see what you are doing, however unpleasant, as part of your path, not your being. You see, do, and give more. You are more.
It’s really not about the answer anyway. It’s about the question, and the courage to face the question honestly.
btw, sign me up for that weeknight
Miah | Mar 12, 2010 | Reply